Thursday, July 19, 2012

My Dad's passing

My brother Ted wrote most of this but I have been trying to write down the same thoughts.

      Richard Gabriel Groh 90 years old,  my father, Passed away yesterday as he napped after lunch, and I thought "What a peaceful way to go after having some rocky relationships with his wives and children. My feelings for him have been unsure for most of my life,  there were times when I just knew that he hated me,  like when I was small,  he would beat me and my younger brother bad enough that would get him arrested today.

Then there were times that I knew that he loved me,  like when one of us would get hurt he was right thee to do what was needed.  The last few years were as confusing for him as it was for his wives an children because of Alzheimer's his memory was hazy and that made it hard for him to visit with even people who he was close to.  

My Dad had five children with my mother three boys and two girls,  and one boy with his second wife. Both wives are good loving and faithful women and I believe that all six children turned out to be good loving and honest citizens. I have met some of his children by other women and they seem like good people too. I didn't like the way he treated my mother and his second wife or his offspring BUT down deep I think that he did love us In his way and down deep I know that I do love him so to my daddy I loved you to the end.

All of life goes in cycles as a new generation comes into the world an older generation leaves to  make way and perhaps to pass on some of what we are. Dad showed me a strong work ethic and I noticed the way that he would help a stranger in trouble. All of us have a mixture of both good and bad traits and only God can be our judge on how we acted them out. 


  1. Sometimes, Pastor, we can't judge a man by his actions. The flesh is weak and sin can seem so tenuous and unclear.

    We are often forced to view people through the prism of here and now because their relationships with us are casual enough to end.
    But when it is your father, we can't judge them properly.

    Your father's weaknesses are as apparent to you as yours are to him. You are a part of him. His blood runs through you. You could have been just like him. But you chose differently. You chose another way to deal with people. You made decisions that guided you through raising your family and establishing your career.

    Can you look back and say you were better than your father? Perhaps they way to view it is that you built upon what your father gave you. You choose your path in life because of what you saw in your father. But you were also able to become the man you are because of the other qualities your father gave you.

    I don't know if he would have thought this way but I think every father hopes their sons and daughters do better in life than they did. I think your father, whether he ever admitted it, must have been proud of what you accomplished. You are a good man, Pastor, and your father helped you become who you are today.

  2. Replies
    1. I love Burstmode's comments. I feel I did the same with my mother... I chose differently in some very important ways, and God gave me the parent child relationship I didn't have with her, in my relationships with my children. I reached a point where I thought, she did her best, and it really was not enough, but God made it more than enough. I do wish Betty could have gotten there.

  3. I know we've spoken about this many times, but I'll say it again: you are a wonderful father, and I admire your ability to experience Grandpa's often painful example as a father and choose a better way to live. I'll always be grateful that you can see the good in Grandpa and emulate that part of him as well as decide to be gentle and supportive where he was violent and neglectful.

    You inspire me every day, and I'm so proud to be your daughter.

  4. Thank you darling daughter I am very proud of you.